OMG. I hope you are okay, now. My condolences to you for the loss of your brother. You should stay in nursing and become and oncology nurse like your brother wants you to do. You were disciplined enough to finish school and you would be an asset to any oncology unity with your intimate experience with the disease. Perhaps you are feeling a little depressed. In time, you will get over this. I cannot believe that 115 persons read your letter and nobody commented. I don't understand these nurses. Are these bloggers even nurses at all? Where the hell is the compassion or are you just a nurse to collect a paycheck; like a job to you not a profession. No wonder they have been able to infiltrate and take over this profession. What lames.

I agree with rasfanta and think you may be depressed. Perhaps you are greiving your brother's passing now because you didn't deal with it at the time it happened.

Can I ask why the hospital hired you if they don't take new grads? Were they desperate or did you have something unique to offer? Pls fill us in and keep us updated. Best of luck to you *hug*

I feel for you during this difficult time. I cannot imagine what you are going through. If you are a believer, ask GOD to help you with this difficult decision and to give you the strength necessary to keep moving forward. Remember, this too shall pass. As you have made it through other difficult times, so you will make it through this one. You are in my prayers. Good luck and keep your chin up!

hello everyone, just got home from the hospital, i had a very bad asthmatic flare-up almost cost me my life ....i will have to agree that i am depressed bec it did not work out for me. the hospital that i previously applied for hires new grads including the critical care units but only does their training in 3 weeks; I guess with my grades they probably thought i can do it but see theory is different from the clinical eye, this hospital wants to earn their money right away from me but does not have a new grad program ....i felt like a fish out of water....maybe i was too slow and too stupid??! not to get it fast....maybe im too timid and not assertive enough to "fight" my way around....alof of things are weighing heavily on me because of this but i am glad that they have stopped hiring new grads in the critical units....no new grad should experience what i went through even if I was very desperate to want that job given the fact that I am way too much in debt....i need to live and has a family to support but people does not understand that DESPERATE PEOPLE DOES DESPERATE THINGS and I was not an exception but I now know better than to risk my sanity, my health and my license... thank you so much for the kind thoughts...i thought i was the only one going through this...100 plus people have read my blog but yes no one has commented except for you guys and I am thankful. i will keep you posted on my sojourn towards finding the right nursing job and Yes, I am praying to God that He gives me the strenght to just keep on going...I find joy in knowing that God's delays are not God's denials.

Dear new grad,

I hope you haven't done it yet! If you have that's okay. If you haven't, listen up. I joined this site just so I could comment on your post. My internet was down for a few days and it was agonizing waiting for it to be fixed (I could only view from my iphone).

This is what I have to say. You are dispensable. You have learned such a valuable lesson early in your career. But this doesn't mean you should give up. An employer spends so much money hiring and training new hires that they have a lot of incentive to keep you. You have probably been training for months. Add up all those dollars and double them and you still won't have a number that reflects their investment in you. They may still be willing to work with you. These situations usually fall into one of several categories.

1) You are overreacting. Perhaps you are overreacting to criticism and they genuinely want to work to fix the situation. I have worked with many new nurses who don't know how to react to criticism and think it is the end of the world to be told they don't have the skills yet. If this sounds like you, stop it! And take every day of orientation they will give you. Open your mind and heart and follow whatever plan the educator, your manager and your preceptor have designed for you. There is no shame in taking longer to finish your orientation to critical care.

2) You're gonna be fired because you just haven't been able to develop the skills needed to be successful in ICU. If this is the case then you need to ask some questions in order to defend yourself.
Did you get a proper preceptorship?
Meaning...Were you assigned to one or two preceptors consistently?
Did they know they would be precepting you?
Did they have training in how to be a preceptor?
Did you receive structured feedback at the end of each day?
Was there a written plan that your preceptors were aware of and followed?

3) You just don't fit in.

Fitting in to the group is important. If you had mad skills you can get away with being a little bit of an outcast. But when you are learning you have to fit it and get along. In my experience the nurses that just don't fit in tend to fit into some general categories.
a) Tose that overstate their experience, skills or understanding.
I precepted a new nurse once who would say "oh yes I get it" before I had even finished explaining the situation. Even if you've heard it before you need to let your preceptor finish explaining it to you. This same nurse would argue with me over the most basic facts. He just didn't get it and he was wrong. He needed to shut up and listen, take in what I said, look it up if needed, write it down and check with the educator later if he really didn't believe me. Don't argue with me endlessly. I would have respected him more if he stated his point once and then moved on. But he just wouldn't move on. He didn't know what he was doing and thankfully, he reallized it after a few really rough shifts and he changed his attitude.

b) Those that smell bad or look bad.

Look around at your peers. Try to look and smell as good or better than they do each day. Wrinkled scrubs, body odor, cigarette odor, cologne odors are not respected no matter what your mad skillz are. No one trusts the nurse who comes to work with greasy weird hair and cologne covered cigarette odor, especially your patients.

c) Those that are loud, obnoxious, or otherwise oblivious to others.

Don't joke with people who aren't your friends yet. Don't use vulgar language even if your peers are. Don't laugh loudly or speak loudly or speak of your patients and families negatively. Be professional and respectful. You are being scrutinized, especially during your preceptorship.

Even if you've moved on from this first bad experience I hope you can use some of the info above.

Lastly, I want you to re-evaluate why you want to be a critical care nurse. Nursing has this horrible habit of glorifying the critical care nurses. The fact is that each area of nursing requires a different skill set. A critical care nurse would not make a very good ortho nurse or oncology nurse and vice versa. Most ortho, critical care and oncology nurses would quit before being floated to a pediatric unit or labor and delivery. One is not better than the other, just different. If you really didn't "get it" in critical care it doesn't mean you won't be a fabulous, wonderful, skilled, and amazing _____ -nurse. You fill in the blank. Don't give up. Your niche is out there and you will be great at it.

Tami
(I'd rather be at dearmissnightingale@blogspot.com)

Dear new grad,

I hope you haven't done it yet! If you have that's okay. If you haven't, listen up. I joined this site just so I could comment on your post. My internet was down for a few days and it was agonizing waiting for it to be fixed (I could only view from my iphone).

This is what I have to say. You are dispensable. You have learned such a valuable lesson early in your career. But this doesn't mean you should give up. An employer spends so much money hiring and training new hires that they have a lot of incentive to keep you. You have probably been training for months. Add up all those dollars and double them and you still won't have a number that reflects their investment in you. They may still be willing to work with you. These situations usually fall into one of several categories.

1) You are overreacting. Perhaps you are overreacting to criticism and they genuinely want to work to fix the situation. I have worked with many new nurses who don't know how to react to criticism and think it is the end of the world to be told they don't have the skills yet. If this sounds like you, stop it! And take every day of orientation they will give you. Open your mind and heart and follow whatever plan the educator, your manager and your preceptor have designed for you. There is no shame in taking longer to finish your orientation to critical care.

2) You're gonna be fired because you just haven't been able to develop the skills needed to be successful in ICU. If this is the case then you need to ask some questions in order to defend yourself.
Did you get a proper preceptorship?
Meaning...Were you assigned to one or two preceptors consistently?
Did they know they would be precepting you?
Did they have training in how to be a preceptor?
Did you receive structured feedback at the end of each day?
Was there a written plan that your preceptors were aware of and followed?

3) You just don't fit in.

Fitting in to the group is important. If you had mad skills you can get away with being a little bit of an outcast. But when you are learning you have to fit it and get along. In my experience the nurses that just don't fit in tend to fit into some general categories.
a) Tose that overstate their experience, skills or understanding.
I precepted a new nurse once who would say "oh yes I get it" before I had even finished explaining the situation. Even if you've heard it before you need to let your preceptor finish explaining it to you. This same nurse would argue with me over the most basic facts. He just didn't get it and he was wrong. He needed to shut up and listen, take in what I said, look it up if needed, write it down and check with the educator later if he really didn't believe me. Don't argue with me endlessly. I would have respected him more if he stated his point once and then moved on. But he just wouldn't move on. He didn't know what he was doing and thankfully, he realized it after a few really rough shifts and he changed his attitude.

b) Those that smell bad or look bad.

Look around at your peers. Try to look and smell as good or better than they do each day. Wrinkled scrubs, body odor, cigarette odor, cologne odors are not respected no matter what your mad skillz are. No one trusts the nurse who comes to work with greasy weird hair and cologne covered cigarette odor, especially your patients.

c) Those that are loud, obnoxious, or otherwise oblivious to others.

Don't joke with people who aren't your friends yet. Don't use vulgar language even if your peers are. Don't laugh loudly or speak loudly or speak of your patients and families negatively. Be professional and respectful. You are being scrutinized, especially during your preceptorship.

Even if you've moved on from this first bad experience I hope you can use some of the info above.

Lastly, I want you to re-evaluate why you want to be a critical care nurse. Nursing has this horrible habit of glorifying the critical care nurses. The fact is that each area of nursing requires a different skill set. A critical care nurse would not make a very good ortho nurse or oncology nurse and vice versa. Most ortho, critical care and oncology nurses would quit before being floated to a pediatric unit or labor and delivery. One is not better than the other, just different. If you really didn't "get it" in critical care it doesn't mean you won't be a fabulous, wonderful, skilled, and amazing _____ -nurse. You fill in the blank. Don't give up. Your niche is out there and you will be great at it.

Tami
(I'd rather be at dearmissnightingale@blogspot.com)

Dear new grad,

Know that you are not alone. You just described my situation to a tee. I know things will get better for you. Trust yourself.

Dear New Grad, Your letter(s) has prompted me to start a new thread, Holistic Nursing. If you read it and find something helpful in there, let me know. I wish you well in your journey; hopefully you will discover that all experiences provide us with opportunities to learn. We just have to figure out how to make meaning of what we learn. Best always to you and yours.

I have been through your situation four years ago. I am so sorry for your loss. I believe you have seen the true color of most nurses. I was bullied by two nurses. DO NOT GIVE UP! KEEP LOOKING FOR THE PERFECT RN JOB FOR YOURSELF. KEEP LOOKING FOR A NEW DIRECTION. DON'T BE AFRAID TO CHANGE YOUR JOB until you find the right one. My deep condolences to you. I have lost a family member while in nursing school! I chose nursing not for pay check.. i chose nursing because I deeply care for sick and needed in those hospital beds.
donot-desensitize-Rns.

Dear new grad,
I have been through your situation four years ago. I am so sorry for your loss. I believe you have seen the true color of most nurses. I was bullied by two nurses. DO NOT GIVE UP! KEEP LOOKING FOR THE PERFECT RN JOB FOR YOURSELF. KEEP LOOKING FOR A NEW DIRECTION. DON'T BE AFRAID TO CHANGE YOUR JOB until you find the right one. My deep condolences to you. I have lost a family member while in nursing school! I chose nursing not for pay check.. i chose nursing because I deeply care for sick and needed in those hospital beds.
donot-desensitize-Rns.

Dear new grad- I hope life is easing up on you alittle, mostly I hope you are easing up on yourself. Like some one else stated- Critical care is not walking on water. I think the greatest diservice done to any new grad is putting them in a critical care area as their first job. It's like cold water in the face, and I have to agree with our old way of putting new grads into Med/surg for atleast the first year- so you can get your feet wet, mold some of those skills and gain some confidence- then go into the critical care lions den. And it is a den- there are major egos in crit care. Don't call your self a failure- your not- look at what you have accomplished this far. The sytem failed you! I have been an Rn for 30 yrs- 18 of those yrs have been med/surg oncology- All I wanted to be when I graduated for my diploma progam was an ICU nurse- I was put in ICU 3 weeks after graduation- I was a know it all disaster- thank god I was having my first baby- an excuse to get out of nursing. I had to go back 4 yrs later because my hubby and I were poor. I was angry I had to go back so I applied to 1 place(hospital- back in the 80's we could do that) I was hired on the spot-to the oncology unit- I was terrified, almost didn't go my first day- It was the most magical experience- those patient were so ill but so inspirational- every day for 18yrs I never found it depressing- the patients were the most up beat people, they brought out the caring in the nurses who took care of them. I learned oncology like the back of my hand-including chem administr.-there is a very subtle critical care element to oncology- that scares the pants off most ICU nurses- Many ICU nurses would drop the patients off and RUN off the floor. An oncology patient can go south on a dime. And most oncology units don't have the bells and whistles of the ICU- it's you the nurse and your developing skill. ICU has nothing over on oncology.
My father died of leukemia- there was no chemo for him because his heart wouldn't take it- at 66yr old- he had already had a CABG, and an MI- I had been an onc nurse for 10 yrs at that point and had talked many a patient through their terror of chemo, but no chemo for him- I watched him dwindle down in weight, blood transfusion after blood transfusion, It was my onc knowledge that helped.
I had my crack at ICU/CCU 8 yrs ago- for 6 months- I hated every minute of it.( the one area I had wanted in 1980 so bad I could taste it) I did medical telemetry- which I like'd ok, then did cardic surgical step down- I hated it too. I left a 4 yr degree program to go to the diploma program because I hated Public Health(I hated the instructor) I took a temp position in Public Health (because the great hospitals of our country don't want us old nurses- we cost too much) I loved it, I did flu clinic- I only signed up for clinics in rural areas- I'm from the city- I loved them, I am now in a military outpatient clinic- I love it. I think the point of my rambling is- you never know where you are going to end up, you change with every phase of your life's experiences- the one speciality you think you will love- your life has a change and you end up hating it, and the speciality you think you will hate- you end up loving it and finding some peace.
Your only just out of the starting gate- you never know. I did travel nursing for 4 yrs as a med/surg nurse- I loved it(get your yr or 2 of hospital exp and try travel- you don't have to go far or you can go to the oposite coast of the country) You worked too hard to get through nursing school to give up this early in the game.
You've had a personal loss- you don't feel like dealing with managemnt's personality disorders right now nor should you have to- that's on them. Take on managment when you feel a little more fisty. Keep your position while you ACTIVELY look for one where your going to get something out of it- med/surg. Hospital nursing is very hard work, very fast paced. Keep us posted

Hang in there. There are already so many good suggestions on here, all I can say is follow them. I am about to start working my first job as a RN this week. I am so worried the being a new Grad like yourself, I will end up feeling overwhelmed and not able to do the job right either. I hope not. I wish you luck and the very best.